Wednesday, September 30, 2009

got snow?

really weather gods? really?
first we miss a whole month of summer and now it's not even oktober and it's snowing.
(remember june? that's okay, it didn't exist.)

now that that's out of my system i'm going back to bed with my cat.
it's my day off and i'm totally spending it under the blankets
with a book and some hot cocoa.
jealous much?
you should be.
my cat is seriously the best snuggler in the whole world.

good night.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Saturday, September 12, 2009

there's so much love in this room i'm beginning to feel a bit claustrophobic.


so old ladies frequent my place of work.
weight watchers is next door and all the fatties take the closest parking spots.
so most of what i hear all day is old ladies saying "i had to park soooo far away. almost to the end of the parking lot and walk all the way down here. and it's so hot. blah blah blah. whine whine whine."
oh dear, would you like some cheese with your wine? chedder? gouda maybe?

i learned how to water ski on labor day.
can i just say that i'm good.
not reeeeally good. but good enough.
i want to try it again. soooon.

my darlingest cousin sarah is sick and sunburnt . . . sunburned?
badly. swine flu and jet skiing don't go together well.
so i'm taking care of her by entertaining her with silly videos.

i'm going to build you a log cabin.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

dear greyhound, you ruined my soul : part one

i fell in love with a gypsy boy.
we met at a greyhound bus station.
he watched my bags for me.
his smile was like sunshine for my soul.
it warmed me from the inside out.
i will never see this boy again.

i want to be somebody's gypsy boy.

downtown sac to reno.
i'm a minority.
in and out of sleep.
sharing candy with the vegan boy justin.
interesting fellow.
going home to connecticut.
working in his father's clothing store.

celtic music festival on the truckee river.
wakeboarding from a tree.
justin and i search for pizza.
leave my drink.
pizzaboy runs 2 blocks to find me.
i have my drink again.
almost late for the bus.

"i'm so tired.
my body aches for something i can't find.
time for bed."

Monday, May 18, 2009

vivantoril fixes it.

yes, doctor? i'd like to get me some of them vivantoril pills. yeah, yeah. being awake makes me so irritable. i hate holding down a job. and urinating? don't even get me started.

thank you toothpaste for dinner for making that comic.

charlie moved up into the engine in my sister's vw bug. silly little guy won't come out to play ever. rock chucks don't make good pets apparently.

also, orange juice now makes me sick.

so depressing seeing as how it's pretty much the blood flowing through my veins.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

you throw like a girl

i just spent about 10 minutes throwing tennis balls at a rock chuck that my dog cornered up against our house.
but then i felt bad.
he was shaking and crying.
i feel like a horrible person.
now my grandma is yelling at it. "for heaven's sakes rock chuck, go away!"
i think i'll name him charlie.
he looks like a charlie.

Monday, May 11, 2009

2 weeks feels like 7 years here.

dear kansas,
it's been real.
but it's time for me to go home.
peace out.

p.s. my hands smell like pumpkin spice cappuccino.
but i haven't had one for a month.
what is up with that?

Saturday, May 2, 2009

feral cats and pajamas to work. best ever.

that was my life yesterday. blech.
but in my defense, i was very very very ill.

never give me a power chord to put away.
it ends up a tangled mess and then you'll have to spend about forever undoing what i've done.
also, your computer dies and you could lose everything.
and that would not be good.

there was this feral cat wandering around the other day.
it followed me around for awhile. like 5 feet 5 inches away from me the whole time.
i left him some turkey lunch meat on the stair case.
he took it and ran.
i feel used.
i haven't seen him since.

this guy i work with. i want to punch him.
in the back of the head.
i do i do.

also, awesome news, i wore my pajamas to work today and nobody cares.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

i would prefer oz, i'm not sure what dorothy was complaining about

chicago is supposedly the windy city, yeah?
well kansas is THEE windy state.
it's terrible here.
and terribly overcast as well.
although i probably shouldn't judge it based on one day here.
i was only awake for half of it anyways.

i'm too white.

derek was thinking about joining a southern baptist group.
i quickly smashed that dream by pointing out that he is not black.
he's actually almost as white as i am.
and would probably get kicked off the grass let alone the church.

toto, i wish we weren't in kansas anymore.

Saturday, April 11, 2009


whatever you're about to tell me
i'm pretty sure i don't want to hear.
so i'm gonna ignore you for a little bit
and pretend that i don't know anything.

i'm moving.
it's official.
i've got 2 weeks ish left here.
don't make it suck for me please.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

and that's why i'm a loser

secretly i'm 57 years old.
when you grow old you tend to forget stuff.
it explains a lot.

we nuns are so boring

green + brown = six.
six + yellow = grey.
grey + twelve = 24.
i lose every time.

i hate ugg boots, stupid facebook quizzes
and the fact that i ate too many cookies.
ahhhh...fat camp.

late night domino games with my family is pretty much amazingness.
be jealous and stuff.

just keepin it in the von trapp family.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

ay yi yi!

i will name him antonio and we will go on all sorts of adventures together and do jobs like be bouncers for parties. because really, who would want to mess with a 25 pound rabbit named antoniiiiiiooooooo. nobody smart. that's who.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Monday, March 9, 2009

. . .

that is all.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

i'm so weird sometimes

i want to be david bowie in labyrinth.

also these two pictures totally made my day.


i want his bow tie.

: )

and deux:dear jonnie,
thanks for being a tool.

ah ha ha. ha. ha. ha.

Friday, March 6, 2009

he's soooo mean.

dear my kidney,
why do you hate me so?
if you would just talk to me, i'm sure we could work things out.
all this pain and suffering you put me through is no fun.
what did i ever do to you?
i hate you.
almost as much as i hate orange flavored treats.
. . . almost . . .

Thursday, March 5, 2009

what's wrong with this picture?

she has cartoon eyebrows!
that's what.
and yes. she really thought they looked good.
as do most people who draw on their eyebrows.
but no.
they never look good.

this blog is dedicated to the wonderful natalie marie

this show is absolutely terrible.

i hate it.

i hate jodie foster.

she gives me nightmares.

i got in a fight with my cat today. she's such a spoiled brat. i was sitting on the counter next to my mirror trying to put make up on and that little ball of fluff and claws jumped in my lap wanting attention and screwed me up.
sometimes i hate her.

<-- i want one.

Friday, January 9, 2009

show me that moneymaker

i wish i was camoflage colored . . .
i wish everything was camoflage colored.
newest most FAQ!
my skin color
question: sally, why are you so pale?
that can't possibly be healthy.
answer: well, my dearly retarded friend,
i would prefer not to end up with skin as thick
as the soles of my shoes, looking like leather,
and skin cancer by the age of 38.
also, pale is the new tan.
don't you know a-n-y-thing?
my skin. my business.
shove it.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

who's a rockstar?

they're just so fetching good.
FAQs: Socks
question: why don't your socks match ever?
answer: the clothes dryer is an evil machine and eats
only half of a pair of socks ever. so i match as best
as i can. back off.
question: why do you leave your socks on at all times?
even in intimate moments . . .
answer: you never know when your house, car, maybe a park
bench is going to light on fire and you're going to need to
run away. you'll end up with your toes amputated
if it's snowing and you have to wait for the fire department
to put your house out. i like my toes.
question: where do you find your cute socks?!
answer: my little sister's sock drawer and/or costco.
now you know all about my socks. so really people,
don't ask me any of those three questions ever again.
it's really starting to bug.
oh and p.s. if you've been planning to hollow out some kiwis
and put creamcheese with coconut in the middle,