show me that moneymaker

i wish i was camoflage colored . . .

i wish everything was camoflage colored.

newest most FAQ!

my skin color

question: sally, why are you so pale?

that can't possibly be healthy.

answer: well, my dearly retarded friend,

i would prefer not to end up with skin as thick

as the soles of my shoes, looking like leather,

and skin cancer by the age of 38.

also, pale is the new tan.

don't you know a-n-y-thing?

my skin. my business.

shove it.

who's a rockstar?

they're just so fetching good.

FAQs: Socks

question: why don't your socks match ever?

answer: the clothes dryer is an evil machine and eats

only half of a pair of socks ever. so i match as best

as i can. back off.

question: why do you leave your socks on at all times?

even in intimate moments . . .

answer: you never know when your house, car, maybe a park

bench is going to light on fire and you're going to need to

run away. you'll end up with your toes amputated

if it's snowing and you have to wait for the fire department

to put your house out. i like my toes.

question: where do you find your cute socks?!

answer: my little sister's sock drawer and/or costco.

now you know all about my socks. so really people,

don't ask me any of those three questions ever again.

it's really starting to bug.

xoxo

oh and p.s. if you've been planning to hollow out some kiwis

and put creamcheese with coconut in the middle,

DON'T.